Warming your Way into her Heart

In the previous post, we saw how married women warm their way into their husbands’ hearts. Ever since, many women have insisted that we should also look at the experiences of men. As a result, this edition, we shall look at the true confessions of some married and single men whose real names are withheld.

One of the men, Mr. Keith, a graphic designer, has been married for six years. He looked straight into my eyes and he said, “Sexual problems ceased in my marriage when I began to understand my wife better. I put my self-ego aside and told myself that I needed to know her better. Before then, I used to be on the defensive all the time. Now I’m more considerate and thoughtful.

“Sometimes, it is as basic as understanding what my wife wants. In the past, Ronke always wanted us to talk more, but all I wanted to do was eat, have sex with her, and rest. For the first five years of our marriage, I’d come home and she would say, ‘How was your day?’ And I would reply, ‘Fine.’ That would make her just withdraw from sex.

“However, when it occurred to me that conversation is a basic emotional need for most women, I began to chat with my wife often and also listen to her and reflect on her feelings. I did that without looking at my watch and without one eye on the TV.

“All of a sudden, my wife’s sexual appetite improved. She lifted the ‘ban’ that she had placed on our sex life. Now I know the appropriate answers to her questions and I have a spicy, passionate and hot sex life.”

Eighty-two per cent of wives who say they are sexually satisfied also report feeling respected by their partner before, during and after sex.

The next man to confess, Mr. Boyofure said, “Before I got married I had an ‘ex’ that left me for someone else at the peak of our relationship. I met her again during my PhD programme in the university, though I had told myself that I wasn’t going to fool around with her again. “But I just couldn’t resist her. I lived a double life for a long time afterwards. It continued for awhile and since I never got caught, I thought neither the lady nor my wife knew about each other. But my wife became suspicious and our sex life suffered a great deal. That was some years ago. I changed after I got mature enough to recognise how hurtful my behaviour was and how I nearly lost my marriage and my children.”

Perhaps Mr. Oloja’s experience will serve as food for thought to single and mature men. He is a single, young, and intelligent musician and still searching. He says, “I used to cheat in almost every relationship that I was involved in. I had an insatiable appetite for the ‘wonder’ that was hidden beneath each woman I was attracted to. I sincerely believed that through cheating and exploration, I would come to find the right woman.

“I cheated with the friends of a girlfriend and I would go for anything in a skirt. Regrettably, I’m still searching. At 46 years, the ladies that I would have love to marry simply toy with me. Truly what goes round comes round.”

Mr. Ojalo’s case is slightly different. He says, “All I did was to practise what you said in the last couples cruise we had and improve on them. It worked for me.

“You said, ‘One in every four married women are “too tired” to have sex and married women who have sex about three times a week are perceived to look some much younger than ever.’ And since I wanted a younger woman in my wife, I engaged more in foreplay and she now melts like ice-cream in bed.

“Also you said that sex triggers brain chemicals that can improve creativity at work. So I helped her to really figure out her feelings, since women with high emotional intelligence experience more orgasms. I decided that we should have sex first thing in the morning. What did I get in return? Better sex and has increased my productivity level.”

Relating his experience, Mr. JJ says, “You said that husbands should continue the sweet things they used to do when they were dating their wives because such things would get them sexually hot. Apart from that, studies have shown that women got turned on the more when their husbands just snuggle up to them while watching TV at night and that couples who cuddle regularly are less likely to become unhappy.

“In addition, you said that watching a man kiss another woman helps most women to be in the mood for sex. So I invented my own version of lovemaking. I try to kiss my wife in front of a mirror and she does not wait to get turned on before making some wild moves. You need to see what happens next.”

Also Mr. Osifoka says, “My penis is not long enough and my wife does not enjoy sex as much as I want her to. You said that a woman has a better chance of reaching climax during sex if the walls of her vaginal canal are stimulated.

“Also, a study found that the length of a penis does not help accomplish this, but the penis thickness does and men should tell their wives to make them feel bigger by keeping their legs together during sex.

“You said since scientists believe that some women have more active G-spots than other women, trying various positions for sex will make us sing a new song.

“Also, you said that experts had discovered a new pleasure centre in the female anatomy: the anterior fornix, known as the A-spot, located on the upper wall of the vagina, near the cervix.

“When I stimulate this area, it increases lubrication. The moves that arouse her G-spot will hit this area too. You said the nerve endings in the clitoris are much more densely packed than in the penis and more sensitive.

“You said that all I need do is place a finger on either side of her clitoris and move up and down. The indirect contact keeps her clitoris from being over-stimulated. The miracle is that I became a better lover and disregard my inadequacies. Thank you Funmi, I do not need to go for penis enhancement surgery again.”

Mr. Badegeshin’s wife has been sexually active before the time of her sickness. After she recovered, he was not sure if she should still be involved sexually. Hear him, “Funmi, you told me that having sex once a week can improve my wife’s immunity to infection by 30 per cent. A 2010 study found that the better a woman’s genital self-image, the easier it is for her to reach orgasm. When women orgasm, the areas of the brain associated with fear shut off.

“Most couples over 65 still have sex at least once a week. I’m sexually happier at 67 years of age and she is healthier. When you encourage a couple’s cruise for us I yielded immediately because you said about one-third of married people report that sex is better while away on vacation and our major indoor sport is sex and 30 minutes of sex burns, on average, 85 or more calories.”

For Mr. Okafor, his wife was brutally circumcised and he is not finding it funny at all. However, he says, “When you said that every part of my wife’s body would get the job done, I was very sceptical because I thought the real action was in the vagina. You said women are 10 times more sensitive to touch than men.

“So before the action really gets going, run your fingers over your wife’s entire body, some women can orgasm from breast stimulation alone (spend extra time there). “You might want to go all night, but since your wife has been circumcised she would prefer lesser penis activities to lip and hand performance, give her oral sex. All is well now.”